Entering a matrimonial relationship is always a serious decision. Nobody makes that choice easily—to give up one’s freedom and be tied down to a single partner for the rest of your life. But why are so many people treating marriage like a piece of rag that could be discarded at a moment’s notice when marital crisis hits?
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Marriages are what you make of it—if you don’t nurture it with love and care, the first blooms of your marriage might just die out before you know it. At the same time, you need to be prepared when things get a little rough for you and your partner; after all, arguments and fights are all normal parts of married life.
The most decisive factor of whether a marriage will endure is how couples handle marital crisis. You might think that avoiding conflict entirely will solve the problem, but in reality, couples who tend to avoid conflict are those who usually end up divorced.
There are different aspects of married life which can determine the success or failure of a marriage. When couples fail to pay attention to these specific details, they might very well be headed to trouble.
Open communication
When you started out dating with your partner, weren’t you consciously trying to establish communication lines with each other? Every relationship starts out with a phase wherein two people try to find out more about each other to see if they are compatible.
But for some couples, the communication lines begin to shut down slowly after marriage. Before marriage, they can share their thoughts openly with each other, but now they start keeping things to themselves. This is often the result when couples don’t see eye to eye on some things, but refuse to argue with each other for fear of “rocking the boat.”
In the end, keeping their thoughts private becomes a habit—and a destructive one at that. A relationship between two people who can’t communicate their needs effectively is doomed to failure, and you can expect a bigger marital crisis to arise very soon.
Quick fix: modern technology has already given you all the tools you will ever need for communicating openly. Although nothing beats saying it personally, you could call your partner, send him/her a message or even an email to talk about what’s happening to your marriage.
Shared interests
Sometimes, marriages go sour because couples stop spending time together and have fewer common interests than they had when they were still boyfriend and girlfriend. The husband starts going out with his buddies with increasing frequency, while the wife becomes immersed in household chores and home-making, including taking care of the kids.
Marital crisis hits when one of the parties begins to feel dissatisfied with the setup. Frustration and anger could be very destructive at this point, which could result to frequent arguments over even the tiniest things. Or worse, one or both of you could end up getting bored with your relationship and look for an exciting illicit affair with another party.
Quick Fix: Make time exclusive for each other despite your seemingly busy schedules. You have shared interests; you just don’t exert enough effort to discover them. You got married precisely because you knew that you were compatible on a number of things, enough to share a lifetime together. Re-discover those things that drew you together and you’d be surprised how quick your relationship will recover.
Infidelity
When small marital crises snowball into one big problem, infidelity is the common result.
It’s just an endless cycle: you have a problem but you don’t want to talk about it. You nurse a secret resentment at your partner because he/she does not seem to care. You get frustrated; you get bored as your marriage seems to stagnate. Finally, you are enticed to look elsewhere for comfort and companionship because you can’t seem to find joy in your marriage any longer.
Quick fix: never resort to infidelity as a way to escape your problems. Focus on your marriage and avoid looking elsewhere for your needs.
